Joe B. Whisler

Lotus Murphy was my mother-in-law. When I first met her, she was lively and curious about the world. Before long, it was obvious that she was slipping away. She was eventually diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.

Thereafter, she went on a tortuous downhill journey to a point where she recognized no one, even her children. She suffered a broken hip, which on average creates a remaining lifespan of six months. She was incubated and went into a persistent vegetative state. Her last two and one-half years left her body alive, but the person we knew was gone. I knew her well enough to know that she would not have wanted to "live" like that, and my wife was very certain as well. Unfortunately, one of my wife's sibling disagreed. The final result of this was a schism in the family that will likely never mend.

One doesn't have to be elderly to suffer a similar fate. Nancy Cruzan was 26 when her car went off the road in rural Missouri. Kansas City lawyer Bill Colby – then with Shook, Hardy & Bacon – represented her family pro bono over many years. The struggle is recounted in The Long Goodbye: The Deaths of Nancy Cruzan. It is a wonderful book, and I recommend it highly. Ironically, Terri Schiavo was also 26 when she entered into the condition that is now the subject of an ongoing battle in Florida.

After many years of litigation, what finally turned the tide for the Cruzan family was testimony from friends who reported Nancy to have said she would not want to be kept alive by artificial means. The best way to set forth your wishes in this context is a writing setting forth your wishes, along with open and frank discussion with your family, your doctor, your clergyman and your close friends. This is still no guarantee, but it will go a long way toward having your wishes followed.

The Missouri Bar first created a form called the Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care and Health Care Directive in 1990 with the legislature's assistance. This year, I have updated the form to address organ donation. A stand-alone HIPAA form is also included in this packet. I have also tried to improve the directions on the form for clarity.

When Bill Colby spoke to the attendees at The Missouri Bar Fall Committee Meetings, one thing he suggested was to have family fill out and sign the forms over the Thanksgiving weekend. Part of the theory is that it is important that every member of the family understand the wishes of grandpa or dad while they are competent to express them. I did just this with my family over the past holiday.

One thing I learned during this process is that the forms needed still more clarity, so I have made a few more changes. The "re-revised" form is now available for download on The Missouri Bar's website at www.mobar.org. Printed copies of the form can also be ordered by sending a request to: Health Care Proxy Form, The Missouri Bar, P.O. Box 119, Jefferson City, Missouri 65102-0119.

You fill these forms out for your family, not just for yourself. They aren't going to do any good sitting on a shelf. They need to be signed and discussed. Send a copy to your doctor, your minister, your friends and anyone else who is going to be around at decision time at the end of life. It can make a real difference for the entire family, and it is so easy to do. I urge you to request or download the form and get started.